The prosecution: Lucy
Niko helps himself when he finds my box of snacks – and then blames me for buying them
I have a little hoard of chocolate but Niko, my partner of 10 years, doesn’t like me having snacks in the flat. He’ll sometimes eat one in a weak moment, and then get annoyed at me for it. But nobody makes him eat them.
Sometimes I’ll get to the snack box, really looking forward to what I’ve saved, and see that it’s gone. Once my friends bought me a box of Happy Hippos for my birthday and Niko ate the lot. Another time I was really looking forward to some delicious Italian biscuits but Niko had already polished them off. I phoned him to say, “What have you done?” But not only does he help himself to my snacks, but he’ll also blame me for buying them afterwards!
Niko says he has to eat them before they go off – even if he doesn’t want to. He says he does it to prevent food waste. This is kind of true: I do store lots of things, as I like to have a choice. Niko is always nagging me to finish off the open packets before I bring new sweets into the house. But him saying that I should eat my old treats before buying new ones puts pressure on me and encourages unhealthy habits.
It makes me think: God, do I have to eat this now? Am I going to binge? Growing up as a young girl in the UK you do get pressed to look a certain way and mind your diet. When I went to secondary school in the 2000s, teenage boys were horrible to us girls. They’d call me fat because I loved food so much, even though I was never overweight. I’d be the one at break really savouring a chocolate muffin.
I’ve always loved sweets. But I had to fight hard not to be affected by others’ opinions when the girls around me were on diets. I am obsessive about my chocolate now, maybe because I had to fight off dysfunctional food habits as a teenager. At the moment I keep all the sweets in a tall cupboard that you need to stand on a chair to get to, so it’s on Niko if he finds them. He has really strong willpower, so I’m not sure why he always blames me when he eats my chocolate.
The defence: Niko
I do eat her chocolate, but there’s loads of it lying around, and it would only go off
I don’t like having too many snacks in the house. I prefer to stick to meals. But Lucy is obsessed with her chocolate stash.
If you put chocolate in front of me when I’m ravenous, I’m going to eat it, even though I would rather have something healthier. Lucy thinks I have incredible self-control but when I am on my own, I give in. At work I have eaten a whole tub of those Marks & Spencer chocolate cornflake bites. I wouldn’t do that in front of her.
Lucy’s worst habit is bringing lots of chocolate into the house before she has finished the current batch. If I see something that has been in our cupboard for ages and it looks manky, I feel like I have to finish it off. It’s an economic decision. Sometimes she’ll say that she was saving it for this or that occasion, but I don’t believe her – she just forgets it’s there.
While I pleaded guilty to finishing her Happy Hippos, I thought: “I’m not going to replace them because there’s so much chocolate in the house.” With the Italian biscuits, we were going to Italy two weeks later so she could get some more. Also, I have an emotional attachment to these biscuits as I am Italian and have eaten them all my life.
The first year Lucy and I lived together, she went on holiday and left a kilo of chocolate in my room. I realised then that she had a bit of an issue with hoarding sweets. I didn’t want that much chocolate in the house, so I threw it away. Lucy says I’m putting pressure on her to eat her chocolate quickly but I like food to be finished before adding to the pile.
I have got more relaxed about asking her to finish things off, but I’d prefer to have fewer snacks in the house. There’s also the issue of mess, as her chocolate isn’t always hidden away in a box. Right now, I can see two chocolate bars on her desk.
Anything wafer-based or crunchy makes me lose my willpower. So I’d like it if Lucy brought more savoury snacks into the home, and gave up chocolate altogether.
The jury of Guardian readers
Should Niko lay off Lucy’s snacks?
Lucy has a healthy relationship with food, one she’s worked hard to develop and retain. Niko should respect that and take responsibility for his own choices and behaviours. Trying to control what Lucy buys or how she eats is not going to end well. Back off, Niko!
Joanne, 53
Who could find Niko innocent? He freely admits to snaffling Lucy’s snacks. Both seem to have issues around snacks and what they represent. Niko shouldn’t ask Lucy to restrict her eating, but Lucy should recognise the temptation (and mess) is troubling Niko. Compromise and open discussion are needed – and perhaps a lockable box, too.
Claire-Michelle, 38
There are so many relationship red flags in this story I don’t know where to start. Lucy – your boyfriend is being rude, controlling, boorish and greedy. Keep the chocolate and lose the man!
Lana, 43
Niko’s argument about having a strong emotional attachment to Italian biscuits is a particular low point. He needs to stop being a despot and let his girlfriend eat what she likes.
Dan, 64
It sounds like Niko is pressuring Lucy to eat more than she actually wants just to get the snacks out from under his nose. Get some self-control, Niko. Or loosen up a bit and start eating without guilt.
Gabriel, 23
Now you be the judge
In our online poll below, tell us: should Niko lay off Lucy’s snacks?
The poll closes at 10am BST on Thursday 21 September
Last week’s result
We asked if Fred should offer his brother more financial help.
85% of you said yes – Fred is guilty
15% of you said no – Fred is innocent
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